sermon: Forgiveness
Jul. 16th, 2009 12:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hebbycakesYesterday, I listened to a very powerful radio-sermon with my mom. It was about Forgiveness. I realized it's very hard to come to grips with it, and easy to say, hard to do.
Like, having a fight with someone, either side does not want to "give in" so to speak. And apologizing helps, but you will naturally still feel anger or sadness or guilt deep in your heart. Just thinking about the fight makes your heart thump with pain, I'm sure you know the feeling.
That true forgiveness means that you will not feel that pain anymore, that you can think about the event and be satisfied with the outcome, no longer needing to think about how much it hurt you, or how much you hurt someone else.
But it all starts with forgiveness. The sermon also talked about God's forgiveness, that if you ask him to forgive your sins, he will wipe it off your record, he will forgive you for it. It's done, it's clean.
But for humans, it's not that simple. We need proof that our records have been wiped. And sometimes, in trying to find that proof, we end up making more reasons to need forgiveness. I admit, I find it very hard to forgive. I can apologize, and I mean my apologies when I say them. I am deeply sorry for things I've done, I do not find it easy to just move on.
Not being able to forgive is not the same as not meaning an apology. I apologize for fighting with people, but I still feel pain from those fights. I have not yet learned how to forgive the one I fought with, or to forgive myself for fighting with them.
The sermon also mentioned that not forgiving is sin. And we need to recognize that. We often automatically come up with reasons why so-and-so shouldn't be forgiven or why "I can't forgive Simon because he did this" (random name btw). God can forgive, we have a harder time with it.
I want to be able to forgive people. We assume today that "forgiveness" means that whoever you're forgiving is the only one at fault, we assume it is a tactic for more fighting. No, that is not true. What is true is that there are people who use it as a tactic to make them seem "above you".
And that's why it's become harder for people to forgive others. Because forgiveness can be seen as an insult. And yet another weight is dropped upon our hearts, another stab, another wound... Why we have so hard a time to forgive someone. I once learned in one of my many Stress-Reliever books that in order for a fight to be resolved, both sides need to apologize.
And that is really, really hard to do. God knows how many times my sister and I have fought. There are still things I remember that she's done that I can't let go of. Probably the same for her. I want to forgive her, I said I did, but I still have that pain in my heart. I still have that inability to let it go.
I want to ask God to forgive me, but I do not have the courage. I am not ready. Because even now, I still feel that heart throb of pain.
I am not strong enough to forgive my sins, nor anyone else's.
But I want to be.
Like, having a fight with someone, either side does not want to "give in" so to speak. And apologizing helps, but you will naturally still feel anger or sadness or guilt deep in your heart. Just thinking about the fight makes your heart thump with pain, I'm sure you know the feeling.
That true forgiveness means that you will not feel that pain anymore, that you can think about the event and be satisfied with the outcome, no longer needing to think about how much it hurt you, or how much you hurt someone else.
But it all starts with forgiveness. The sermon also talked about God's forgiveness, that if you ask him to forgive your sins, he will wipe it off your record, he will forgive you for it. It's done, it's clean.
But for humans, it's not that simple. We need proof that our records have been wiped. And sometimes, in trying to find that proof, we end up making more reasons to need forgiveness. I admit, I find it very hard to forgive. I can apologize, and I mean my apologies when I say them. I am deeply sorry for things I've done, I do not find it easy to just move on.
Not being able to forgive is not the same as not meaning an apology. I apologize for fighting with people, but I still feel pain from those fights. I have not yet learned how to forgive the one I fought with, or to forgive myself for fighting with them.
The sermon also mentioned that not forgiving is sin. And we need to recognize that. We often automatically come up with reasons why so-and-so shouldn't be forgiven or why "I can't forgive Simon because he did this" (random name btw). God can forgive, we have a harder time with it.
I want to be able to forgive people. We assume today that "forgiveness" means that whoever you're forgiving is the only one at fault, we assume it is a tactic for more fighting. No, that is not true. What is true is that there are people who use it as a tactic to make them seem "above you".
And that's why it's become harder for people to forgive others. Because forgiveness can be seen as an insult. And yet another weight is dropped upon our hearts, another stab, another wound... Why we have so hard a time to forgive someone. I once learned in one of my many Stress-Reliever books that in order for a fight to be resolved, both sides need to apologize.
And that is really, really hard to do. God knows how many times my sister and I have fought. There are still things I remember that she's done that I can't let go of. Probably the same for her. I want to forgive her, I said I did, but I still have that pain in my heart. I still have that inability to let it go.
I want to ask God to forgive me, but I do not have the courage. I am not ready. Because even now, I still feel that heart throb of pain.
I am not strong enough to forgive my sins, nor anyone else's.
But I want to be.
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no subject
Date: 2009-07-16 05:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-16 05:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-16 05:12 am (UTC)I could be getting married. I don't have time to cling to petty fights anymore. I'm growing up.
So when I forgive you for stuff, it's because even if we fight, the trivial stuff isn't big enough for God to single you out as a sinner. Heck, even Jesus had disagreements with people. So did God.
We've had maybe one major fight which ended with me nearly getting kicked out of the house.
And wasn't it about like... a gameboy or some nonsense?
Of course I can forgive you for that, and forgive myself.
If you can't forgive me, that's your choice. But I forgave you a long time ago, kid.
ALSO, ADD on-a-corndog!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-16 05:18 am (UTC)I'm happy you forgave me, and I am trying to put it behind me. I'm not mad at you anymore, it just hurts still. I can't describe it.
It could be guilt for not being able to let go.
Just did.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-16 05:20 am (UTC)And I will too.
Heck, we don't stop growing up until we die. :)
DUN DUNALUN DUN DUN DUN DUNALUN DUN DUN DUN DUNALUN DUN DUN DUN DUNALUN DUN DUN DUN
no subject
Date: 2009-07-16 05:37 am (UTC)She had great mental images for a while. And my secondary name on AIM was "Gin: We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge." for a while, too. xD