nice swimming, shrimp

[hebbycakes]

Well, I really screwed myself over. Note to self: Never try to make sense. You just dig yourself in a deeper hole for failing epically.

*headdesk*

This still makes me happy. And man, do I ever need it. To those who deserve it more than me: I'm really sorry.

It probably doesn't make a bit of difference, but at least now I know never to take anything lightly. X_X

I don't think I should be allowed to say certain things. I don't even have a good mindset. I'm still stuck in that mindset of a fourth grader: Drugs are bad, students can't drive, the world has a long and happy life.

Anything beyond that, I'm useless. I've grown up way too sheltered, obviously. And that leads to me saying really stupid things. Ugh. I just wish going outside would make me feel better. I can't play outside like I used to be able to, though. I'd love to play dinosaurs again...

There's that 4th grade mind again.

Comments

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

You're not useless at all... And I think that we'd all do better if we could get along, and play dinosaurs again. Maybe I'm just too old, and forgot what fun is. Either way, I'm sorry. *hugs*

I'm on this account more than my Kaiba_katt one *fails*

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

*snugs back tightly.* It's still possible to have fun... That's how I feel. Every now and then I still pretend to be a dinosaur around the house. A Velociraptor. 8D

I didn't mean to sound so cruel before. I really need like four feet to stick in my mouth.

No fail. <3

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

...You do know that I'll have to try this now? And John will probably film it.

*cuddles up* I'm sorry, I really am.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

XDDD <3 It's a lot of fun.

Me too. I just want you to know that it is roleplaying, not you playing. I'd never want you to feel like all these actions are happening to you instead of your character.

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

It's not that, I'm quite able to discern reality from rp, but certain plots are draining to me. I guess I'm just old and boring. *Is a loser*

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

Some people have a harder time with it. I'm not claiming you don't know the difference between game and reality, what I mean is that you don't have to be sad when your character is sad.

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

It's hard not to be for me... I guess I'm pathetic, but I get too emotionally involved. And I really can't change that fact about me.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

I know. I just wish it didn't clash so badly with the three of us. And by it, I mean two people who get emotionally involved. I just get confused.

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that we get that way, but the plot does affect us. And if that's a problem, you have the right to rp with someone more convenient, and suitable to your needs hun. I'm not intentionally making my muses this way, or trying to be effected by them, but I'm sorry anyway.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

I don't want to RP with other people because my character(s) are closely knit with yours. It would be a dick move of me to just break off like that and I can't be that way. I don't want to be that way anyway. I just can't change how my characters act to fit needs, that's all.

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

To be honest? I don't even care anymore. As long as you like the plot, and you're happy, nothing else matters. Right? But I can't promise that I'll be thrilled, or super active. It's still a draining, depressing plot. And even if I'm weak, or too emotionally involved, I'm sorry, but I can't change myself to fit rp needs of others. Just like you can't change how your character acts to fit needs.

I'll be there enough for you to have your plot though, I can promise you that.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings with that. It's just after having a huge fight with a friend, I don't really know how to word things anymore.

Thank you.

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

I guess it just doesn't matter... It's best not to talk about it anymore, until the plot takes place.

*hugs*

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

A blind plot. I'm not so sure. I guess plunging in is the only option. Then again, it's not for at least another month. I hope things cool down by then. I hate wars amongst friends, especially over RP and me being a dick. X_X

*hugs back*

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

I guess we could give it a few days, and attempt a chat between us or something... I don't know. But I don't see myself getting more enthusiastic at this point, I nearly deleted a couple muses earlier over this situation.

But a couple of days can make a great difference. Right? Maybe it's best to give me a while.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

Deleting muses fixes nothing, it would have just brought more fighting, more sadness. And I know you wouldn't want that.

I'm planning on giving you a while anyway. I feel terrible for putting you through hell.

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

Meh, I'm planning to get rid of a couple anyway. Rp isn't fun lately, and that's a sign to drop a couple.

Thank you.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

I think I may just drop notchibix10. The chibi recently went back to the mirror, and things were fine and dandy. But I may bring him somewhere else if I ever get a musebox or something. He and The Dead can freak out people. xD

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

Museboxes are fun for that. XD I might drop a couple of my Kiras, I don't like their cr, or lack thereof. And maybe Aizen, since I never use him.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

Your decision. ♥

Also I have a question. fourthsquadkira doesn't have wabisuke yet, right? Since he was just a member of the squad during that time, not a seated officer?

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

He is a seated officer, a vice captain. He just stayed with the fourth, instead of going to the third.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

OHHHHH. *stuuupid* I had assumed you'd taken him from when he was still in fourth, rather than an AU. xD I am not smart~ dur dur

[mako-pretty.livejournal.com]

...It would be so fun to bring a Kira from that point though. XD

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

It would. I can imagine he and Hanatarou would be flail-buddies.

[muko.livejournal.com]

I'm still stuck in that mindset, too, Ebi. But, it's where I seem to be happiest.

You are not useless. The other night, I was way more worried/upset than I let on, and you calmed me down a metric fucktonne. I respect you a lot, and really cherish you as a friend <3

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

Makes some happy, others it can make miserable. I know I become miserable if I make my characters like me or vice versa. So I try not to do that. I could never be like Creeper, I would never want to be.

*hugs tight* Thank you.

[angelcynic.livejournal.com]

Personally, the problem for me is mostly how you handled the situation. It didn't seem like you at all. You used to be so much nicer than that, and I really don't know what's going on anymore.

The plot affects our characters too, so it would have been nice if you had been more willing to compromise how it is handled. S0litary will be there for the plot anyway though. I meant it when I said good things could come from it.

[kaiba-katt.livejournal.com]

I've been lost, I apologize. I didn't mean to sound so cruel, I felt shocked. And to be honest, I just don't understand melding the ic and ooc boundaries. I realize now that's not what it is, but for me, that's what it LOOKED like. I understand better now, and I apologize for being an asshat. I really didn't mean to make you change your view of me.

I want to work with you guys, I just thought it would have meant more from my POV saying that the previous plot wasn't pointless. I didn't realize it went deeper than that at the time. And we've already fought once about Creeper and S0litary, I was probably too scared to think straight and it got a lot worse.

But even so, I couldn't say anything that would make you agree with me, so I basically gave up. I'm afraid to discuss the plot because it may happen again.

[angelcynic.livejournal.com]

It was more of an ooc thing than ic because we've always talked about things like this. We were friends ooc, s0litary and Creeper weren't. It sucks to think they get along better than we do these days.

The previous plot does feel pointless, but it does go deeper than that too. I really don't know what to think. I'm not sure you were getting what I was saying earlier, but I listened to you, and it still seemed like a slap to the face. I'd like to think it was just a misunderstanding, but I really have no idea anymore.

You have a right to want what you want, but you went about it in a really hurtful manner. I want to discuss it, but I'm kind of afraid of you'll just act like you did before, and I really don't want to fight with you anymore. I liked it better when we were friends and were in sync about these sorts of things.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

It feels about the same, personally. Maybe it was because I was more honest about things this time. Usually, I don't say my opinions because I didn't want to hurt people, but I felt if I wasn't straight out, nothing would be solved. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut on these matters.

I think we can agree to disagree on this. It feels like a "yes" "no" argument, no inbetween will fit.

I feel exactly the same, Jen. We both got passive aggressive about the same time, both got a lot more angry about other things, both started to assume we each had a certain tone... Talking on the internet is a lot harder than face to face, and I am really not the best at it. I'd like to try again if we can actually talk about the plot. The new one, not the old one. A lot has happened in the past month or two, we're all a bit different. I'm sorry I don't keep in touch enough.

[angelcynic.livejournal.com]

I wrote a tldr type of reply, but deleted it because it seems very wrong to do this in your journal. If you want to talk about this, we can. You know my screen name. I'm going to bed now, but I'll be on again tomorrow.

I have no idea if this will work out, but I hope it does.

I am responding to it because I deserve every word of it and I want to try to respond

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

I saw your response, and all I want to say is the thing about restarting a character? Came out very very wrong. I did not mean you should. I did not mean I wanted you to. I said you could. I also said you didn't have to restart him completely. But it was too late by then and I wished I could have eaten my tongue.

I love s0litary, I realize I shouldn't have said that, but that is definitely not what I meant, and I don't blame you for getting angry with me. But I am sorry for it, even if you don't believe me.

Each time I have a paragraph break, I am talking about a different topic. I am trying to cover everything I said. I literally do not know what I am saying that is breaking your heart, please point it out to me. I can't see it. I am not smart, I am sorry for hurting you. I don't know what you mean by "lies".

[angelcynic.livejournal.com]

If you don't get what you've been saying that is upsetting, and you don't know what I meant by "lies", then I really don't understand why you responded to me saying you deserve every word of it.

Like I said before, I don't think it's right to talk about this here, so I'll stop. You know my screen name, you know my email address, or you can pm me if you prefer. If you want to talk, we can. If not, that's your choice.

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

I deserve every word because I made you sad. I also want to know what you mean by lies. Jen, I can't fix a problem if I don't know what it is.

[angelcynic.livejournal.com]

By lies I meant that your first response to me in this thread seemed completely insincere once I read the one after it.

Is there a reason you insist on doing this here?

[yoro-shiku.livejournal.com]

All I did was answer your questions. I am still sincere about my apologies. Apologizing doesn't mean you don't answer questions, it means you apologize. And that's what I was doing. But I also felt a need to explain my actions for how I acted on AIM. I can't just stop talking completely.

I'm afraid of doing it elsewhere because I know it will result in us probably screaming at each other again. And that scares me.

[angelcynic.livejournal.com]

Right. I'm going to pm you now, because I refuse to have this conversation in your journal.

[kaiba-katt.livejournal.com]

I'd prefer if you PM'd yoro_shiku. This journal doesn't receive notifs and no matter how I try to fix that, it won't let me anymore.

[angelcynic.livejournal.com]

Alright.