I've never felt so betrayed

[hebbycakes]

I'm not angry at mom, dad or the guy that adjusted me. I just feel betrayed because I was told "It wouldn't hurt. It would just surprise you." It surprised me, but it really hurt.

The man made me lie down on my stomache. Mom held my hand because I was feeling nervous. Then, the man grabbed me by the back of the neck and near the jaw and turned my head swiftly. I heard that 'crack' sound. But the problem was that when he did that, it hurt. He asked me if it hurt and I said yes. He sounded a bit surprised after that, so he tried to be as gentle as possible. But every time he worked with another part of my spine or back, it would hurt. I'm not kidding. It really hurt. I was almost in tears because of shock and pain. When I had to flip onto my side, he would put his knee on mine then push down. I hurt the loud "crack" sound and I cringed because it hurt. I flipped onto my other side and went through it again.

Then I had to flip onto my back. He told me to fold my arms left over right. I did so, then he did the same and told me to take a deep breath in as he pushed his folded arms against mine. I did. Then he said breathe it all out. As I did, he pushed against him roughly, and I heard another crack. It hurt. He did it again, but I made a small whimperish sound. It was hurting me. When he got to my neck again, he decided to use the weird little machine that has a weird "pop" sound. It didn't hurt me, luckily. When we were done, I was almost in tears. After he spoke for a while, he asked me if I was okay. I tried to nod, but I started to cry. He felt pretty bad. Mom hugged me and told him that we would be fine. She thanked him and he left the room. I was crying because he did hurt and it shocked me mostly because I was told it wouldn't hurt. I felt betrayed.

My mom said that that sort of thing doesn't hurt dad and her and it just feels odd. But for me, it hurts. My bones/body are different and 'weird' compared to those of my parents. Instead of just feeling odd, I was in pain. It doesn't hurt now, but I still remember the pain. My neck is feeling stiff, and my nausea refuses to go away. My tears won't stop either.

I have to go through with this again on Wednesday and Thursday. Mom said that, even if he'd rather use his hands to adjust me, she'll ask him to use the 'pop'gun. I'd appreciate that more. You can call me a wimp, but I was so afraid at that moment. I wanted him to stop trying to 'adjust' me. I was so scared and I was hurting bad. I want to recover, but not so much that it causes me more pain.

Comments

[the-terrible.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry it was so painful for you. I wish I had words of comfort. All I can say is, if it becomes too painful to bear anymore, definitely tell them, because it may mean a very different approach is needed.

[kaiba-katt.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I will. I know they want to prevent any symptoms from appearing down the road, but if this gets too painful, then I'd rather they find another approach.