life

Jan. 20th, 2010 06:48 am
hebbycakes: (good turtle)
and the tears stop and life goes on because i remember i have great friends who love me and care for me and are there for me when i need them.

i'm just even more glad that my sister is there for me, too, now. And I can be there for her, even if i'm not as strong as her. it's not over until we discuss everything, but i know that i can now. that's what really matters to me.

life

Jan. 20th, 2010 01:45 am
hebbycakes: (everyone dies)
don't you just hate it when you finally get to talk to your sister about all the shit she put you through, and you're able to finally address it and talk it out, no matter how old it was, and finally sort it out so that you can MOVE ON? And then you find yourself talking about happier stuff amidst the bad, and we didn't FIGHT during it? and you just feel so good that you're getting along with your sister?

then god says "oh by the way, here's reality"


and your dad starts to swear at you for waking him up, and makes you feel like shit and tells you "you know better you should be ashamed, you know you get sick all the time, go to bed right fucking now, this happens NEVER again"


i love my dad. but i hate him when he does that. i had no idea it was 1:26am at the time. the last i'd checked, it was almost 11pm. i had no idea we'd been talking that long.

so apparently, my dad thinks my illness is my fault. that me "staying up late" is what makes me sick and why i miss school. i guess he doesn't fucking know that i have insomnia and i can't help it if i stay up if i CAN'T SLEEP. and so, later when i wake up, he's going to wake up when i put the dogs out and he's going to verbally harass me. i'm going to try to get out and go to school asap because i dont' want to be attacked. i know mom is going to be ashamed of me for staying up late and i won't have the chance to tell her why.

i can't stop crying. i'm sobbing like when shannon died. i know it's not the same, but it feels like huge weights are on me again, that i can't get rid of. i finally got some off my shoulders and now new ones have been added.

i don't usually say this, i don't want to sound ungrateful, but i just have to.


i fucking hate my dad right now, even if i love him to death. i wish he wouldn't swear at me, even if he's tired. i may swear on here, but i NEVER ever swear at him. him being my dad gives him no right to swear at me. i almost felt like going to sleep outside in the cold because i felt a sudden millennium of misery fill me up. even though my sis and i got over a huge barrier, we were abused for it.


goodnight

AND SO

Sep. 21st, 2009 10:12 am
hebbycakes: (tousen's logic equals wut)
My sister Caroro comes back today. I'll be at the university by the time she's at home, I hope she plays with Bowie for a good hour. That cat has missed her like a shark misses the damn ocean. 8|

She probably won't do it, but Mom's going to tell her to walk to meet me. I kinda hope she does, even if I've seen her recently, I think it would be neat for her to at least walk on the path she hasn't seen for a whole year.

I hope to get her into Kuroshitsuji. She'll writhe and struggle at first, but my hope is she'll eventually give it a chance. I think she'd really like it. Ciel reminds me so much of Genjo Sanzo... I think they have similar qualities.

Also, imagining Sebastian with Dan Green's voice... uhuhuhuhu. THOUGH HE HAS TO HAVE A BRIT ACCENT OR ELSE IT JUST WON'T FLY. That's my biggest hope for a dub of Kuro-- THEY HAVE TO HAVE BRIT ACCENTS, EXCEPT FOR THE CHARACTERS THAT ARE OTHERWISE STATED AS NOT BEING BRITS. Like, Bard. Or Lau & Ranmao. I hope they have an actual chinese guy voice Lau. He would not have a japanese accent, he'd have a chinese one, which is much more tonial. Toniel? idk. HAVING TO DO WITH TONE

So yeah, writing a lot because I'm once again waiting around for six hours until my next class. At about noon or 1pm, I'll go for lunch, then return, then walk to Thorneloe and watch some movie by Woody Allen. I'll only ever be able to think of him as Z from Antz. xD It's the only thing I've seen him in! I can't help it! XD

I received an amusing comment to my Renji the Red-Haired Death God video. The commenter had been watching Bleach the other day and apparently their dad started to sing the song my sis and I made. XD That's so awesome.

My legs are such jelly. 8| Mostly because I've not really been exercising at all, but also because I've lost so much weight... So when I rode my bike today, and got off of it, I couldn't feel my legs, and I felt as though I'd topple over at any moment. It was really scary. I'm a bit scared to ride my bike again. o_o

S'yeah, shouldn't be back until like 7pm or 8pm, give or took. YOU'LL ALL SEE ME EVENTUALLY

And another thing- Got accepted at Paradisa with Lau Tao from Kuroshitsuji. Pretty excited to play him, and already having a great thread with the best Ciel I've played with. It's very exciting. I just want to make his reactions believable, since Lau is the very weird one... There's no magic (USUALLY) in Kuroshitsuji (ASIDE FROM DEMON-HAN AND DEATH GOD GUY AND PUPPETS AND SHDFSK), but I can't have Lau just wig out, so I've sort of had him assume he's lost his mind due to opium use... and he's pretty much just accepted it, and anything else that goes on is part of that acceptance. xD It's easier to cope with things, I guess.

OKAY STOPPING MY TL;DR NOW. 8|

Doctor Who

Nov. 10th, 2008 12:59 am
hebbycakes: (good turtle)
I've been Doctor Who'd. Shamble dobble dibble dooble.

At any rate, I'm currently watching season three's ep 12 "The Sound of Drums"... And I can quite safely say I now realize why people tend to write/pair/ENVISION The Master x The Doctor.

...

Also, The Master reminds me of Kai from Kamen Rider Den-O.

...

BACK TO WATCHING. >:3 Will reel Carolyn into this series, she would adore it. Especially the epic scene from season 4, ep 10 "Midnight". Allons-y~

...

I'm going to start to watch Doctor Who icons. |:/ HOLLY. WHERE ART THOU?

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